Hipster Mom's Guide to Disney's Animal Kingdom Park: Part I

     Disney's Animal Kingdom Park opened on Earth Day, 1998, thus holding the distinction of being the most junior member of the Disney parks, in Walt Disney World.  But conceptually, and visually it's probably the most immersive and stunning of the quartet.  The great detail and care they've woven into each of the different lands, Africa, Asia, Discovery Island, DinoLand U.S.A, and Rafiki's Planet Watch, is quite remarkable.

Not to mention the current development of Disney's nod to the long-rumored , "Beastly Kingdom," in the form of Pandora: The World of Avatar.  It is currently under construction in the former Camp Minnie Mickey section of the park, where the Beastly Kingdom was set to be.  But just as the mythical creatures that would have inhabited the realm are just a wild fantasy, so remains the idea of Beastly Kingdom.   In its place will be the lush and almost dreamy world of Pandora.  The artist renderings look dramatic and wondrous, and completion is set for some time in 2017.

I really enjoy when Disney and the Imagineers stretch their creativity, along with the idea of what is possible, to its utmost limit, and I think the new land in Animal Kingdom will have guests stretching their imaginations to their peak.  I assumed with the opening of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios that Disney would soon be forced to follow suit with something equally as immersive and sensually arresting, and they seem to be doing that in spades with not only Pandora, but with the building of Star Wars Land over at Hollywood Studios, which was in desperate need of some updating.  And with Disney acquiring Marvel a few years back, there are plenty of characters and super-heroes to base future lands or even parks around.

The dragon in the middle of the Animal Kingdom logo was set to represent the never-built Beastly Kingdom.

But the focus of this particular blog is on what is at Disney's Animal Kingdom park, which is my personal favorite of all the parks.  Even though they bill it as, "Nahtazu!" (not a zoo),  it's got some really fantastic zoological elements, and the theming of the various enclosures and habitats is certainly first rate.  I do happen to love zoos, and we have a great zoological park here in Detroit, but it just isn't as well-thought out and expansive as Disney's Animal Kingdom.  First, the animal habitats are large and as close to their natural environment as possible.  And the Imagineers really gave serious thought to the layout, viewing areas/sight lines, paths, and queues.  It allows for a comfortable and leisurely pace through the exhibits and high visibility of all the animals with minimal crowding or pushing from the human animals.  The paths are lined with authentic foliage, giving plenty of shade on hot days, and embellished with traditional artifacts and intriguing replicas.
      The first set of exhibits you encounter are the Oasis Exhibits, which has a lush and meandering path through spoonbill habitats and an impressive giant anteater enclosure.   There are also wild boar, and wallabies on exhibit in this quiet respite.  It's a tranquil way to ease into the rest of the park, or even a nice detour on the way back to the main gate.

After the Oasis, lies Discovery Island, which is the main hub of the park.  Full of various shops like the Island Mercantile and Disney Outfitters, which mostly peddle the standard park merchandise found elsewhere on property; nothing especially unique to Animal Kingdom, but the exotic theme is carried into the shops, nonetheless.   It is also where the most iconic image of Animal Kingdom, the Tree of Life, presides triumphantly over the park.  Upon first look, it appears to be a grand and archaic tree, with a massive trunk and twisted roots, but as you move closer, you will see hundreds of carved animals etched in its bark.

It also houses the 3-D attraction "It's Tough to be a Bug," starring Flik, Hopper, and the whole cast of characters from the Disney Pixar movie, A Bug's Life.  I do think it is the best 3-D attraction at any of the parks.  It's very detailed and realistic. You're given a pair of giant, bug-eyed 3-D glasses on the way in, for use during the show.  I don't want to give away any spoilers, because the first time through is full of unexpected tricks, but it can be make those afraid of bugs, or little ones, a bit squeamish at a few points.

 Discovery Island is also home to another, cool and verdant zoological trail of expertly maintained animal habitats.  Here you will find giant, Galapagos Tortoises, flamingos, and even  African Crested Porcupines, among other exotic species.

Discovery Island's dining options up until now have been quick-service only with perennial stalwarts like Pizzafari, and Flame Tree BBQ (get the onion rings, seriously), but, reportedly Memorial Day weekend, the new full-service restaurant Tiffins, is slated to open.  With a focus on world cuisine and sustainability, Tiffins will offer a unique and upscale take on park dining options.  According to the Disney Parks Blog website, entrees on the menu will include items such as, "Berkshire Pork Tenderloin with Huitlacoche Tamale, Hominy Succotash and Red Mole Sauce (South America); Miso-glazed Black Cod with Forbidden Rice in Steamed Bok Choy with Turmeric Sauce (Asia), and Roasted Market Vegetable Curry with Quinoa, Zucchini and Lime Chutney."  I'm glad to see they are trying to offer a more diverse and experimental menu at some of the theme parks, instead of just the typical amusement fare.

If you continue on the main thoroughfare to the left of the Tree of Life, you will come upon the land of Africa, that lay through a set of massive, carved gates.  They pull you into the totally immersive village of 'Harambe.'  Its bustling marketplace atmosphere is peppered with extensive details, like giant seed pods dangling from the trees or African musicians playing traditional beats full of primal drums and ancient rhythms. 

At the Mombasa Marketplace, in the center of Harambe, is where you can find some unique and unusual items, like carved animal masks, or colorful woven bowls. (My sunset orange-hued walls in my family room are adorned with many.)  There are also some African textiles, various cheetah-printed t-shirts, and safari-themed merchandise on display.

 This is also the new spot for the Festival of the Lion King interactive stage show, that takes place in the Harambe Theatre.  The Lion King is my absolute favorite Disney movie, as I used to watch it every day after school in fifth grade, with my little brother; probably wearing my black and yellow, over-sized, Lion King t-shirt, singing along to "Just Can't Wait to be King..."  So, this attraction is always a must-do for our family, even with a squirmy toddler.  It's loud enough in there, if the little ones starts to fuss, it mostly blends in to the music and pomp.  The level of vocal talent is very high, as is the athletic ability of the Tumble-Monkeys, flying through the air on a trapeze and trampoline.  And that opening theme is always quite moving.

There are plenty of quick-service options for dining in Africa, like the Kusafari Coffee Shop Bakery, or the recently opened, Zuri's Sweets Shop, but there is also a full-service restaurant, The Tusker House, offering a very popular Donald Duck themed character breakfast, and a buffet lunch/dinner service throughout the afternoon and evening.  The Tusker House is a fantasically detailed restaurant, with a visually stunning architecture and artful African masks and shields that guard the entryway.  The cuisine is very similar to that of Boma, at Animal Kingdom Lodge, offering a variety of African-inspired dishes like Kenyan coffee-roasted pork loin, and Cape Malay curried chicken, but it also has more pedestrian options like macaroni and cheese or corn dog nuggets, for the little ones or less adventurous eaters.

 The big draw in this land is of course, the Kilimanjaro Safari, which takes guests on a rocky and adventurous, open-air bus trek across miles of grassland full of grazing giraffe, zebra, African hoofstock, and ostriches.  There are also elephant herds, rhinos, sun-bathing crocodiles, lions lazing on high cliffs, and cheetahs stalking in the shadows.  There are plenty of photo opportunities, especially when a giraffe feels like munching some leaves in the path of the safari vehicle, as most of the animals are freely roaming the savanna.  The safari guides/drivers pepper the trip with various facts and tips, as well as playing out a story-line about uncovering poachers in the reserve.  It depends on the guide, but when they really sell it, it is quite fun.  I think it is an authentic a safari experience one can get without having to travel half-way around the world.

A fun detour while waiting for your Fastpass ticket time, is to wander through the Pangani Forest Exploration Trail.  There is prime viewing of okapi, hippos, and most sensitive-eyed silverback lowland gorilla you'd ever care to gaze upon.  He's sitting in the same exact spot, every time I visit, like a dear, old friend.  He's either taking an afternoon snooze, or looking intently upon the crowd that gathers round the glass to glimpse him.  There is something so magnificent about habitats such as this one, because you really get to feel you're interacting with the gorillas instead of just witnessing them.

The Pangani Forest Exploration Trail, is probably my favorite section of the entire park.  The animals are graceful, and majestic, and their habitats are expansive and natural, to denote the utmost care the animal receive at Disney's Animal Kingdom.  But I think it's the lowland silverback gorilla that steals the show.

Stay tuned for Part II, where I explore the lands of Asia, Rafiki's Planet Watch, and DinoLand U.S.A.

Hipster Mom's Guide to Disney's Hollywood Studios: The Hollywood Brown Derby

The Hollywood Brown Derby is located within Disney's Hollywood Studios Park, in the Hollywood Boulevard section, near the plaza for the Great Movie Ride.  It's Spanish-style architecture, clay-tiled roof, and burnt sienna awnings elicit a beautiful sense of an old Hollywood, that probably never was.  The original Brown Derby restaurant in Los Angeles, wasn't nearly as glamorous as this sylish reproduction, though it did have a certain kitschy charm, complete with derby-shaped main building.

The gorgeous Spanish-style continues on to the interior of the Brown Derby with checkered-tile floors, exposed beams, and sweeping arches.  Celebrity caricatures line the mission-colored walls; and it's a fun a game to try and guess all the old stars as you wait for your food to arrive.  It does seem fairly sophisticated for a theme park, which I find to be a welcome and cool respite from the frantic pace and crowded lines that dot the rest of the park.

 The menu (and prices) reflect the upscale atmosphere.  This isn't really a restaurant to grab a quick bite and head back out to the rides; this is definitely a sit-down meal, at a more leisurely pace.  I prefer to have at least one sit-down meal while at the parks because I enjoy the break from running around after my daughter, and from zipping from one Fast Pass line to another.

The Brown Derby is famous for the invention of the Cobb Salad, by Bob Cobb (thanks Curb Your Enthusiasm), full of bacon, egg, tomato, avocado , and chopped turkey. But I'm not much of a chopped salad fan, so I usually order their alternative salad, which is a mix of lettuces; topped with fruit such as peaches or blueberries, aged goat cheese, and candied pecans dressed with a champagne vinaigrette.  It's a surprisingly delicious and filling salad for being so unassuming.  The different flavors and textures play so well off of one another; the sweet meatiness of the candied pecans, mingle with the sweet-tart, crisp flavor of the fruit, and the soft yielding texture and herbaceous notes of the lettuce.  The cheese is just a delicious, salty bonus.

I like to pair it with whatever seasonal soup they have on the menu, which does seem to change from time to time.  The Roasted Zellwood Corn Soup is amazing; it's like slurping liquid velvet.  It's somehow both airy and rich, simultaneously.  I highly recommend trying it whenever they have it on the menu. 

 A note about the plating: I find it to be thoughtful, but not over-done.  The colors are reminiscent of a fall day, which is a nice tie-in for the seasonal corn being featured.

My husband is a pretty big carnivore, especially when we eat out, because we have mostly vegetarian, chicken or fish dishes at home, so he tends to order something big and beefy at restaurants.  And boy, he hasn't stopped raving about the Hollywood Brown Derby burger since he got it.  It is massive and loaded with toppings and accoutrements that spill over the edges of the patty.  A knife is inserted through the center as some sort of cutlery tent post just to keep the thing from toppling over.  It's bursting with Gruyere cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onion, avocado, pastrami (!), and a fried egg, that creates another oozy sauce that drips down the burger as you tear into it.  And if that weren't decadent enough, the brioche bun is smeared with a cognac-mustard aioli, which was my personal favorite ingredient of the dish.  I'm still trying to figure what is in that mustard sauce, because it would really be great on any number of sandwiches.  It comes with hand-cut potato wedges that were quite satisfying.  And they just don't serve enough potato wedges at restaurants, in my humble opinion. 

As for dessert, I love it when a restaurant offers some kind of dessert variety plate.  At the Brown Derby they have six mini desserts to choose from to create any number of trio combinations.  The grapefruit cake is a must if you like the sweet-tart flavor of citrus desserts, which I find myself craving more and more.  They have a standard-issue creme brulee, a blueberry cobbler, and a few more intriguing choices like like the Chocolate-Mascarpone Sphere or Banana Toffee Cake with strawberry banana pearls, which are kind of like those things you find floating in that bubble tea.

The Hollywood Brown Derby is a restaurant full of nostalgia and character.  Their refined food is a welcome surprise from the pizza and fries of the quick-service commissaries that pepper the Studios.  But it is also priced accordingly.   It's certainly a pleasant place to relax, to feel like you might rub elbows with a star at any moment, and slow down to enjoy the atmosphere of old Hollywood.

Hipster Mom's Guide to Hollywood Studios: 50's Prime Time Cafe

The 50's Prime Time Cafe is located in the Echo Lake section, within Disney's Hollywood Studios Theme Park.  As you may be able to discern from the name and the mid-century modern sign, it is a kitschy throwback to a romanticized 1950's dinner time; something you might find in your grandmother's house, or perhaps a parent's wood-paneled basement.  I really love the theme of this restaurant because I love anything mid-century modern, and they certainly take the theme of restaurant seriously.  Pale blues and pinks adorn formica tabletops, built-in shelves overflow with tchotchkes, while copper jello molds hang from the wallpapered walls. 

The lobby/waiting area looks more like a swinging loungy den, with low-slung sofas, wood paneling, and sleek coffee tables.  This is exactly what I would want my basement to look like if I had the resources to accomplish such a feat.  There is just something about the mid-century modern aesthetic that just makes me feel at home.  There is such warmth, despite some of the hard lines and futuristic designs.

I've eaten the 50's Prime Time Cafe several times, and the food is always consistently good.  It's not a culinary triumph, but nor does it purport to be.  It's supposed to taste like home-made classics that your mom would produce in her own kitchen.  It's also always busy.  They seem to be always turning someone away at the door without a reservation, so I highly recommend them. And it's pretty easy to book a reservation in advance.  The service here can be rushed, which is partly to be expected in a theme park restaurant.  The servers aren't really pushing you out the door, but the food arrives so fast, it can seem a bit that way.  Some servers really get into the characters of "Aunt" or "Uncle," and really will make you set the table and finish your vegetable before you can get dessert, but some just kind of gloss over it.  And depending on your tastes, you may prefer a server that goes light on the acting.  They seem to be pretty good at reading the guests' mood, and will tend to play it up if they see the table getting into the festivities.  I've had anywhere from just a hurried drink and food order scribbled on a pad, to servers blowing straw wrappers at us.   And if that's not enough fanfare to entertain you while you wait for your dinner, classic TV show clips play on classic televisions throughout the restaurant.

On our visit around Christmas-time, they had the coolest silver Christmas tree, trimmed with classic ornaments and big red ribbons dressing the entryway. 

I usually order the same items from the menu each time I visit.  It's so hard to decide between a chocolate malt in a big, frosty tin cup or a creamy root beer float, so I usually don't and just order one of each, and my husband, my daughter and I share them.  Plus I like eating dessert first.  I'm on vacation!

I also really like the fat, fluffy crunchy onion rings with horseradish dipping sauce.  They're actually one of my favorite onion rings I've ever had anywhere.  We also get the fried Boursin cheese, because, fried cheese...  But you don't have to feel guilty because it comes with fruit! That I usually try to pawn off on my daughter, but even she is too slick for that, so my husband ends up eating the grapes and apple slices. 

I always gets the Chicken Pot Pie entree, which is very rich, but loaded with big chunks of carrots, mushrooms, and celery.  It's dotted with little bursts of green peas, and moist chicken breast.  It's then topped with a golden puff pasty square.  I've actually recreated this dish at home several times, and not to toot my own horn, but I've mastered this recipe to the point where I've exceeded the original.  It's so good its been used as currency!  My husband usually gets the Mom's Favorites Sampler Plate which is meatloaf, fried chicken and pot roast served over mashed potatoes and gravy and mixed vegetables.  Each portion is good, but my favorite part is probably the mashed potatoes.  They are served piping hot and the gravy is really tasty and flavorful.

I don't always get dessert at the 50's Prime Time Cafe because I'm usually still working on a chocolate malt and root beer float, but I do like to indulge a few bites of dessert if someone wants to share.  My favorites are  Apple Crisp a la mode or the toasted S'mores.   

This is a fun, quirky spot to grab a sit-down meal at Disney's Hollywood Studios.  It's definitely a retro throw-back to a childhood of my father's generation.  But I think anyone with a touch of nostalgia can appreciate the 50's Prime Time Cafe.

Hipster Mom's Guide to Signature Disney Dining: Yachtsman Steakhouse

The Yachtsman Steakhouse is the signature dining restaurant inside Disney's Yacht Club Resort, which is part of the Epcot resort area along with the Yacht Club's sister resort, the Beach Club, and the Boardwalk across Crescent Lake.  The Epcot resort area, with it's bustling boardwalk and Stormalong Bay is very inviting.  The outside of the Yacht Club is certainly more welcoming than the interior for me.  It's full of beautiful waterfalls and pools; a more sunny disposition.

The Yacht Club is probably my least favorite of the Epcot resorts, only because the theming reminds me of some East Coast Good Old Boys Club.  I think maybe they delivered on the theme a little too well, because while rich in woodwork and dulled brass, it can be a bit oppressive.  It's bordering on stuffy, for my taste.  I really enjoy nautical paraphernalia too, but it's just not very cheerful.  It's more country club, than oceanic.   I'm sure that works for people with that particular taste, but it's just not my first choice.  I would like to say the the guests and cast members didn't fit the decor, but I can't.  Not that anyone was snobby, per se, just a little on the uptight side.  Not a lot of smiles or joking around, just sort of reflective of the depressing surroundings.  It's sort of like an uncomfortable visit to a fussy old aunt's house, where she doesn't really like you to sit on her divan, or touch her ruffly pillows or use her "guest soaps" because they are for some other guest, that doesn't seem to exist.  So you basically just stand around in the corner, shuffling your feet like a moron, but then you get yelled at for that because you didn't take your shoes off before shuffling your feet like a moron. 

Though it probably didn't help that we were visiting at night, and it didn't have the sun streaming through the windows in the lobby.  My favorite part of the interior was actually that really cool, giant antique globe pictured below.

This was my first visit to the resort and to the Yachtsman Steakhouse, so I was looking forward to it.  I actually enjoyed the decor of the restaurant a bit more than the other interiors of the resort.  We were seated in the atrium/rotunda portion, which was quite lovely.  It was more nautical in nature with its porthole windows, but still quite subdued with its plaids and hunter greens. 

We were seated next to a pretty obnoxious table of two couples on a double date of some kind, like a precursor to a swinger's orgy.  I just got an uneasy feeling immediately, more on the level of annoyance than problematic, but in retrospect it did seem to foreshadow the fiasco that was this experience.  They were laughing loudly at terrible jokes, talking arrogant politics; of the exact ilk you would expect from a stuffy East Coast country clubber, all evening, and calling the waiter over at least every six minutes for any manner of minor whim.  All of which wouldn't have been that big a deal, if we weren't being waited on, or not waited on, as it were, by the same server, whose inattentiveness was wearing thin.  Our food took an exorbitant amount of time, which again, wouldn't have really mattered because we didn't have much else to do, but we were with toddler-in-tow, and she was getting pretty crabby and loud herself, by the two-hour mark.  Her crankiness was then garnering looks from the aforementioned table, and when I caught their eye on our table; I'm sure with a "just try me" look on my face, they quickly made up something about how "precious she is." 

I was pretty frustrated by all this, but it was the food I actually cared about, so I was hoping it would be the Yachtsman Steakhouse's saving grace.  But nope.  It was a night of hits and misses, if I am going to be fair. 

The complimentary bread basket came with a roasted garlic bulb, in addition to butter, which was a thoughtful touch.  And our daughter is always a lot quieter with a roll in her craw.

For starters, we chose the Shrimp and Grits, and the Crabcake Doughnuts.  I guess it's my fault for picking something creative and cute-sounding, but with a vague menu description of said doughnuts, I wrongly assumed that they would be something like little crab fritters, or hushpuppies even.  Not really the case.  Ugh, they were so weird.  I don't know what else to say, other than crab doughnuts shouldn't be a thing.  First off, they absolutely should not have been dusted with powdered sugar, under no circumstances.  None.  The chef had taken the whole idea of sweet and savory a bridge too far, like somewhere off the coast of Indonesia...  It sure was a cheap way to ruin some expensive crab meat.  Secondly, the center of the crabcake part was cold.   Which is just kind of off-putting, no matter what.  "Hot foods should be served hot;" thanks first rule of culinary school.  And when I mentioned it to the waiter he acted surprised, then said that it was supposed to be "a little cool."  Whatever that means... He didn't offer to have another appetizer made, or take it off the bill.  He really was just trying to dismiss us.  We didn't press the issue, but I didn't eat any more of it, either.  My husband picked at it, just as not to waste it.  In any of event, I hated this dish.  Hated it.  That was a really unpleasant taste; powdered sugar doughnut wrapped around a icy crabcake.  Eff that noise. 

On the other hand, the shrimp and grits appetizer was delicious, so it did its part to quell my anger, for a minute, anyway, brewing from all the other nonsense.  The shrimp was cooked in a Cajun butter sauce, which was fantastic.  We dipped our bread in whatever little drip-drops of sauce that were left on the plate. It was garnished with popcorn, which I thought was a creative detail that they actually got right.  My husband liked the shrimp and grits much better too, but he just got a few bites, as he was banished to polishing off that crab doughnut monstrosity.  "Muah-ha-ha.  Get your hands off my grits, sucka!" as I stab at him with my fork. 

But then, the entrees arrived.  And the anger began to build, yet again.  Yeesh, this place.  My husband had ordered a steak, as it took up much of the menu; he figured they must be really good.  I ordered the fried chicken, which at first glance sounded amazing, but guess what?  That's right, it wasn't.  Because they just tried too hard again, with this schizophrenic menu item. 
     What the eff? I mean really.  You don't need to reinvent fried fucking chicken.  Who does this chef think he is?  Mussolini?  When you order fried chicken, you are expecting some sort of chicken on the bone, that is fried, no?  But instead what I got was a series of deconstructed, weird, dry, chicken cubes that looked like they were kicked down an alley of corn-flake crumbs.  I'm not sure anyone could even identify that beige tableau as chicken.  And why the fuck is there an ivy leaf on my plate?  Yeah, we get it, you're an "ivy-league" restaurant.  Whatever, dorks.  The only edible and savory portion was the cornbread.  It was so turned off by those sad Tyson Dino Nuggets excuse-for-fried-chicken that it didn't even want to associate with it and demanded its own skillet!  So basically, I paid $26 for "pretty good" cornbread.

And if you thought that fried chicken dish tried too hard, the Yachtsman Steakhouse has the perfect temper for that! An anemic entree that barely tries at all.  I hope you enjoy onions, because you've got one of 'em!  The twice-baked potato was dry and tasteless; more like it was on its fifth or sixth bake,  and the cognac sauce over the NY Strip while tasty, was also necessary, because the steak itself lacked any real flavor.  Which is kind of a deal-breaker at a place that bills itself as a "steakhouse."

I was still pretty hungry after all this, as I only really had some shrimp and cornbread, so I ordered two desserts for us to share.  We got the Chocolate Peanut Cake and the Fig Cheesecake.  I did not get a picture of my beautiful cheesecake plate, and I could not find one on the vast Interweb either, as I looked for almost an hour, but I will attest that it was a triumph amongst all the kerplunks and chaos that comprised this dinner.  It was a deconstructed cheesecake made with a sheepmilk's cheese called Agour, which has such a delicate, and refined flavor that really lent itself to the honeyed figs it lay beside.   And it was artistically plated in a sharp line on a rectangular plate where you could decide which accompaniments to pair with the cheesecake, including a delicious honey ice cream.  I wouldn't have thought to put ice cream with cheesecake, but this time, the creative gamble paid off.  The chocolate peanut cake was also magnificent.  It was nicely plated, with a salted caramel gelato and a streak of ganache offsetting the alternating layers of chocolate cake, pretzels pieces, and peanut butter mousse.

Whoever the pastry chef is at Yachtsman Steakhouse deserves a big, fat promotion, because their food was on point, and elevated to the level that the main kitchen couldn't seem to touch, but so desperately wanted to.  I probably would have given the Yachtsman another try sometime, but when it came time to pay the bill, there of course, was a problem. 

I had my Tables in Wonderland card, of which I've had countless over the years that I've used at every meal without incident.  I gave the card to the waiter to discount the bill.  Everything at first seemed to be fine.  But then he came back to the table, phony apologetic; almost giddy, to tell me that he couldn't discount the bill because my husband's name was on the credit card we had given him to pay the bill after the discount.  At this point, I was beyond frustrated, because he seemed to be dancing around this notion that we were somehow trying to scam them.  Meanwhile we're the ones that were really getting scammed, being charged close to $200 for a couple of shrimp and dessert.  But, I figured, okay, I've probably got enough cash to cover it, so that should solve the problem. 
      I informed him that we would just be paying cash, and to run the discount with my card, to which he then said, we couldn't pay cash either, with the card.  What the fuck, pal? I wanted to scream.  Now, I'm sure some of you out there think I am making this up or embellishing for effect, but I am not.  He truly said I couldn't even pay in cash.  I got the distinct feeling he thought I was using my mom's card, or something along those lines, because he said he would need to see a driver's license of "the cardholder" to be able to process the discount, like I wouldn't have such documentation.  Funny, I just happened to have my license in my micro Louis Vuitton clutch, which I produced to the waiter immediately.  I finally just said to him, "I'm not sure what you think, but this is my Tables in Wonderland card, here's my license, we've eaten at several Disney restaurants on this trip alone, already, and have never had this kind of problem.  I want my discount so we can leave.  It's been two and half hours already."  This finally seem to kick him into gear and he came back with our discounted bill.  After all this my husband wanted to leave him nothing by way of tip, but I just can't do that.  I left him over 20%, just to rub it in his face a little and hopefully teach him a lesson.  His service was worth about 10% and his demeanor over the Tables in Wonderland card would have earned him like 2.5%, but I idealistically like to think that maybe with an unexpected tip, he will think twice before treating another customer like that again.  But it just as well may fall on deaf (and dumb) ears. 

I cannot in good conscience recommend this restaurant, even though there were some delicious elements.  Kudos to the pastry chef, whomever that may be, because they displayed quite a talent.  But the remainder of the meal, the tired decor, the terrible service, the expense, and the bill debacle were just too much to tip the scales in their favor.  There are too many other restaurants in the World to bother with the Yachtsman Steakhouse again.

Hipster Mom's Guide to Signature Disney Dining: Citricos

Citricos is one of many fine dining establishments located in Disney's Grand Floridian Resort; it's flagship hotel.  It is on the second floor, next to Victoria and Albert's, but unlike it's neighbor, Citricos is kid-friendly.  The Grand Floridian is just that; grand.  There is a Victorian elegance embedded in every detail, from the white-washed woodwork, to the bird-cage elevator.  It is a bit more on the formal side.

I recommend dressing up, though there are families scurrying about in park attire, I always feel more comfortable over-dressed, than under-dressed.  This place can be a bit intimidating.  And the little squirts look so cute all dressed up, anyway.  Disney used to have a bit more strict dress code policy for their signature dining restaurants, but it's been so watered down that it barely exists.  Americans love their jeans... 

Citricos is a large restaurant with a beautiful show kitchen, adorned with Mediterranean-colored tiles throughout, and hand-painted terracotta-hued counters that evoke a storied ceramic Spanish casuela that's been cooked in for generations. 

 I do think their chairs and upholstery could use an update, as it is a bit 90's-esque.  Just some simply colored chairs would bring the restaurant up to speed, while enhancing the beautiful views, instead of distracting from them.  Now that I take a closer look at these chairs, maybe they are so ugly they are cool again, in this topsy-turvy hipster world of frumpy sweaters and busy prints.  I do think the decor should better reflect the level of culinary skill being presented, and this decor certainly doesn't do the food justice.

We started with the Arancini and the Pork Belly over Grits to share.  I must note, that a few years back, I had the best appetizer I've ever had anywhere, right here at Citricos.  I still find myself daydreaming about it sometimes.  It was the Crab Gateau, which was like a freer-form crabcake with huge lumps of crab meat, shaved fennel, tomatoes, swimming in a pool of citrus beurre blanc.  It was so good, that I ordered two more on the spot!  I've never done that before, or since, come to think of it.  The waitress looked at me like I was crazy; I didn't even care.  Because that's how good it was.  Alas, they haven't had it on the menu in quite a while, which is disappointing.  Hopefully they bring it back sometime.  It should be their signature appetizer.

 But the two appetizers we got on this recent visit were quite delicious in their own right.  The Arancini, which are fried risotto balls, usually with some sort of cheese oozing out of the center.  In this case, it was mascarpone stuffed into the center of the rice and deep-fried until deeply golden brown, so the outside is crusty and crispy, while the inside is creamy and flowing.  It was sitting atop a puddle of bright tomato sauce.

But the Roasted Pork Belly over Cheese Grits was my favorite.  The pork belly was so tender and unctuous, glazed in a sweet hibiscus barbecue sauce,  And the cheese grits should just be offered as a side-dish, because I could have eaten a whole big bowl of those grits.  They were so creamy, full of rich corn flavor, and just the right amount of cheese.  I'm glad grits are finally getting the recognition they deserve in the fine dining echelon.  I almost ordered another round of pork belly...

We also split a salad of mixed baby greens with poached egg, Pecorino, and Serrano ham crisps, which was really good too.

For our entrees, I chose the Roast Chicken over risotto, as I love juicy roast airlined chicken breasts, and as per usual, my husband ordered the Oak Grilled Beef Filet.  My chicken was cooked beautifully, all the way through, but so juicy and flavorful.  When chicken is cooked right, it tastes better than steak to me, but it's harder to cook perfectly.  You've got a few degrees of wiggle room with steak, but with chicken it can go from under-cooked to over-cooked in a couple minutes.  The skin was crisp and tasty, seasoned well.  The risotto underneath was delicious and creamy, as were the little bursts of fresh peas that popped in my mouth, for a great contrast to the yielding textures of the chicken and risotto.  The chicken jus that lined the plate was flavorful, though the chicken was so juicy it didn't necessarily need the jus.  It was a nice flavor contrast to the richness of the risotto, though.

My husband really enjoyed the smoky flavor of the oak-grilled filet. It was incredibly tender, served over a bed of Yukon-smashed potatoes with a garnish of broccolini and red pepper strips.  I would have enjoyed more broccolini and peppers, as a welcoming respite from the meatiness of steak and the heft of the potatoes, but it was still a nicely composed plate.

I am always stuffed after appetizers, salads, and entrees, but I still order dessert anyway.  My philosophy on dessert is, we don't really eat dessert because we are hungry, we eat dessert because we want to indulge that impulsive id that resides in all of us.  So, I can always make a little room for something sweet.  I usually order the Warm Chocolate Banana Torte and a second dessert, just to try something new.  We visited Citricos a couple times in a couple months, so I'm including the other two desserts we tried, though they were separate visits.  We also tried the Florida Key Lime Pie, and the Zabaglione Over Mixed Berries.

The chocolate banana torte with ice cream and caramelized bananas is as delicious as it looks.  The gorgeous chocolate scrolls hint at the rich chocolate flavor that lay in its shadow.  They've had this on the menu for a long time, and with good reason; it's so satisfying, especially if you are a chocolate fanatic.  I thought the berries in tuile cup with zabaglione were a nice contrast to the dense richness of the chocolate torte, though lacking in presentation, comparatively.  But be advised, the zabaglione has a kick of Marsala wine in the background, that can take you by surprise.  I thought the key lime pie was plated exquisitely, but it really lacked that punchy citrus flavor I was hoping for.  The key lime element seemed muted, like it need more juice and possibly lime zest to amp up the profile. The Mandarin sorbet accompaniment was actually my favorite part of the plate.

Puny key lime flavored pies notwithstanding, Citricos is an elegant and enjoyable place for a Mediterranean-inspired dinner.